"It’s better to burn out than to fade away." This quote made famous by Kurt Cobain reflects upon his view of life and gives us an inside look to how he really felt about his rise to fame. Though Kurt Cobain was a well sought after rock star he will always be remembered as a wonderful man with an imaginative mind. Kurt suffered from bipolar disorder and depression. This combination plus his rise to fame, helps us to see why he would commit suicide. Doing research and learning more and more about the way Kurt was it helps us to see and understand. I hope to show you why Kurt did this and help others who may be in this same situation.
Bipolar disorder, according to Wikipedia.com, is defined as: "a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated mood, clinically referred to as mania." Cobain was diagnosed with this disorder as a child and suffered from it his entire life. Though he was put on medications for this, his moods were still extreme, causing him to become overly happy or extremely depressed. After getting the bipolar disorder under control, Kurt turned into a manic depressive, or some one who suffers from mood swings and certain types of mania.
If today one were to read the song lyrics from Nirvana’s (Kurt’s band’s name) track "Lithium," one would be able to hear how Cobain, the writer and singer of the song, could put so much emotion and truth behind his words. Not to mention the fact that lithium is a drug used to treat depression, just a coincidence?
In the book, The Journal of Kurt Cobain by Kurt Cobain, published by his wife Courtney Love, one can get a deeper look into the mind of Kurt Cobain. In this book he writes of childhood memories, songs, short stories, and thoughts and feelings he had. The introduction starts out as a rather happy Cobain who has just realized what he wants and is going to do with his life. With an optimistic view he goes on. He speaks of his life and how he feels that he is taking a big jump, though he believes it’s worth it. Finally, when the public eye starts to notice him, he stops taking his medication and turns to other drugs and substances. This combination of drugs, alcohol, and depression, was not only dangerous for him physically, but mentally as well.
Drugs and alcohol have always been the image most get into their heads of a "rock star" lifestyle. They are always there to party, have a good time, and be the center of attention. For Cobain however, this lifestyle was so unlike that of the real him. All he really wanted was to make music and find self satisfaction in it. But as quoted from his suicide note provided by Kurt Cobain’s Suicide Note : "I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things," this shows how Kurt really did care about his fans, but the fact that he wasn’t getting his little happiness he had in his life, the only thing he had ever really known, this drove him insane beyond no end.
Kurt was never an addict until his rise to fame. His drugs of choice: marijuana, heroin, cocaine, and many others. All of these drugs dangerous if used in excess, even worse. By using these drugs, Kurt was trying to cover up the person he really was, and all of the feelings he really felt. From reading his journal one can see how his rise to fame was just too much for him to take in at this point in his life. He wasn’t a stable person as it was, and adding all of this into his life just made it harder. He turned to drugs for an escape but found nothing. Because he couldn’t find happiness in the amount he started with, he did more until he blacked out to get rid of the pain even for just a while.
Growing up in a family with a fairly common amount of mental illness and drug and alcohol abuse didn’t help either. His great uncle shot himself when Kurt was twelve years old. According to Kurt Cobain and Manic Depression, his grandfather also suffered from alcohol abuse and suffered from a fatal aneurysm by falling down the stairs, drunk. Knowing all of these things about the Cobain’s family history makes one wonder if the possibility of depression and bipolar disorder are a dominant trait found in the family gene pool. Anyway you look at it; death can affect a child no matter what manner it happened. But to have a child know, and experience, suicide at such a critical age can be not only damaging, but also traumatizing.
At the age of twelve, most boys are starting puberty and deciding if they want toys or money for Christmas. But for Kurt he was going through a whole different type of growing up. He learned that life wasn’t fair and that the world is not a kind place. But for him, and his disorders, this caused him to have very strong feelings of hate and question why certain things were the way they were. Death for instance, was viewed to him as an escape, just as drinking was. He had seen and grown up with that his entire life so how could he not think that was right?
The human mind is a powerful thing and when all of one’s thoughts get built up inside, and one has no where to turn, one can start to question what purpose they serve in life. This feeling of remorse and resentment combined with depression and bipolar disorder can cause true feelings of suicide. Kurt had battled with these his entire life. I hope that by writing this paper one can see the dangerous affects of these illnesses if gone untreated.